Dr. Unco - Let’s Score Your Poop.
UNKO - The World’s Most Serious Kuso-Site.
Let’s Score Your Poop.
Dr. Unco is a web service where a foul-mouthed poop specialist takes your stool seriously. Get an Unko Score from its shape, color, and frequency, then take whatever is still on your mind straight into a chat. The theme is a joke. The build is not.
What Makes Dr. Unco Special
The World’s Most Serious Kuso-Site
- Brutal, but accurate: Dr. Unco — lab coat, stethoscope, zero tact. His catchphrase: “You brought this upon yourself!”
- Evidence-based: The health guides are built on published material from NHS, Mayo Clinic, Harvard Health and similar sources
- No sign-up, completely free: No account, no payments. Use it anonymously
- Japanese / English: One tap in the top-right corner
- Not medical care: Everything here is for entertainment purposes only
Three Ways In
- Take the Checkup: A 5-step intake that ends in an Unko Score from 0 to 100
- Chat: Ask Dr. Unco directly about whatever is bothering you
- Poop Health Guide: Seven reads, from the Bristol scale to colorectal cancer screening
Built to Hold None of Your Data
- No account needed: No email address, no phone number
- History stays in your browser: Chat history lives in localStorage and never reaches our servers
- Images are disposable: Photos you send are processed only to generate a response, never kept as long-term logs
Key Features
Poop Health Checkup
- A 5-step intake: Shape → Color → Frequency → Notes → Photo (the last two are optional)
- Bristol stool scale: Pick from type 1 (hard lumps) through type 7 (watery)
- Color swatches: An “Ideal” badge on the good ones, a “Caution” badge on the ones worth watching
- Photo attachment: Add an image for a more detailed read (JPEG / PNG / WebP)
- Unko Score: 0–100, plus a blunt report and lifestyle advice
- The stamp: Score low and a “You brought this upon yourself!” stamp lands on your result (score high and it turns into congratulations)
- Share your result: X / LINE / WhatsApp / Facebook / copy link
- Carry it into chat: “Ask Dr. Unco about this result” hands the diagnosis over to a conversation
Chat with Dr. Unco
- Streaming replies: Answers appear as they are generated (SSE)
- Image attachments: Show him a photo while you ask
- Multiple conversations: Create, switch and delete from the sidebar. Titles are generated automatically
- Regenerate & copy: Redo an answer or copy it in one click
- History stays local: Stored in localStorage — nothing carries across devices
My Page & the Gut Gacha
- Gut gacha: Every time you open the page, the background “gut” is drawn procedurally
- Rarity: N (Unko Brown) 70% / R (Pop Pink) 15% / SR (Gold) 10% / SSR (Rainbow) 5%
- My Gut Gallery: Every gut you’ve rolled, redrawn in the exact shape it appeared in
- Stats: A rarity donut chart, the last 14 days, and your measured SSR rate
- Save your name: Do it and Dr. Unco will address you by name in chat
- Poop Collection: Unlock seven background particle skins (Gut Flora / Normal / Sparkly / Golden / Rainbow / Blossom / Legendary Poop) through days visited, checkups completed and messages sent
The Small Print
- Hidden extras: The Konami code, a late-night visit, a perfect score, going idle — poke around and something happens
- Respects reduced motion: Effects stop automatically when
prefers-reduced-motionis on - Scales to the device: Background particles watch the frame rate and thin themselves out
- Screen reader friendly: Effects and charts carry spoken labels
Poop Health Guide
Seven reads, organized from material published by public health bodies and medical institutions.
- Poop Health Guide: What the Bristol Scale, Color, and Frequency Tell You
- The Science of Constipation: Evidence-Based Ways to Go Without the Struggle
- Food and Your Poop: The Basics of Gut Health
- Poop Warning Signs and Colorectal Cancer Screening: The Changes You Shouldn’t Ignore
- What Happens If You Hold In Your Poop? Building Better Toilet Habits
- Gut Microbiome 101: Who’s Actually Living in Your Gut
- What Is UNKO?
Technology Stack
A ridiculous theme, built seriously:
Frontend
- Next.js (App Router): Server-component-first architecture
- React + TypeScript: A type-safe codebase
- Canvas particles: A hand-rolled system that watches the frame rate and backs off on its own
- Procedural SVG: Every gut in the gacha is drawn from code, fresh each time
Backend & Infrastructure
- Vercel: Hosting and deployment
- SSE streaming: Chat responses are delivered as they are produced
- localStorage: Conversation history and gacha records stay on the client
AI & Analytics
- Multimodal AI: Text and images are read together to produce the diagnosis and replies
- Google Analytics 4: Usage measurement (text you type into chat or the notes field is not tracked)
- Structured data: WebSite / Organization / Article / FAQ JSON-LD
Pricing - Completely Free
$0 - Every feature, free
- Poop Health Checkup, photo attachments included
- Chat with Dr. Unco
- Gut gacha, My Gut Gallery, Poop Collection
- Every article in the Poop Health Guide
There is nothing to pay for. The gut gacha is free too.
A Note on Medical Advice
Dr. Unco is not medical care and not a medical diagnosis. The score and the commentary are entertainment, nothing more. If you notice blood in your stool, black stool, sudden weight loss, or anything else that worries you, please see a healthcare professional regardless of what this service tells you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Is this a medical service?
A: No. Dr. Unco is not a real clinic or doctor — it is an entertainment service that scores your poop and comments on it. Neither the checkup result nor anything said in chat constitutes medical diagnosis, treatment, or advice.
Q: Do I need an account?
A: No. There is no email address or phone number to hand over. The checkup, the chat and the gacha all work anonymously.
Q: Are my photos and chats stored?
A: Chat history is stored only in your browser’s localStorage, never on our servers. Clearing your browser data deletes it, and nothing is shared across devices or browsers. Photos are processed to generate the diagnosis or reply and are not kept as long-term logs.
Q: Does it cost anything?
A: No. The Poop Health Checkup, chatting with Dr. Unco, the gut gacha and the health guides are all free. There is no paid tier.
Q: Which languages are supported?
A: Japanese and English. Switch any time with the JA / EN toggle in the top-right corner.
Q: Why “The World’s Most Serious Kuso-Site”?
A: Because the theme is poop but the engineering isn’t a joke — multimodal image diagnosis, SSE streaming, procedural generation, and honoring reduced-motion settings. Something built carelessly is never funny enough to be worth building.
Get Diagnosed Now
Your poop, scored for real from the Bristol scale, color, and frequency. No sign-up, completely free.
Start the Checkup · Ask Dr. Unco